AN OVERNIGHT guest at the Great Malvern Hotel last Tuesday, had he accidentally strayed into the meeting room at the back, would have been confronted by a strange sight (and sound). A couple of dozen otherwise normal-seeming people were rocking to a Maori-style haka to the words of Humpty Dumpty! This was Dave Bradley's remarkable suggestion to replace the current national songs used by the Home Countries at rugby internationals, so as to compete more effectively with the New Zealanders' traditional pre-match challenge. His speech not only had his entire audience acting and singing, but also readily won the vote for the night's best.

Not that there was any lack of competition. Club President Hilary Benoit, who was presented at the opening of the meeting with an Advanced Leadership bronze medal, gave a typically polished example of a toast – in this case as if to her own parents at their Diamond Wedding. Steve Birch used recollections from his army life to consider how the appearance of food and drink can affect its appeal to our taste. Bright red custard on coal-black apple crumble, for instance...!

Cate Cody, in a speech intriguingly entitled “Mermaids Manage With Long Hair”, described her childhood struggles growing up from a “fabulously rubbish all-rounder at the age of eight” to successfully learning to swim, as well as acquiring many other skills in later life. These include writing poetry, and her use of language showed a poet's originality – for example in shivering so much by the pool that she “felt her goosebumps might work as buoyancy aids”. This was her tenth speech in less that two years as a club member, earning her the Toastmasters' official designation of Competent Communicator.

An inspired impromptu performance as the Queen as a secret spy won the night's Table Topic prize for Alice Crumpler for the second meeting in succession. Other competitors were invited by Colin Jackson to impersonate characters as varied as Donald Trump, Eve in the Garden of Eden, Santa Claus, Captain Mainwaring, and Napoleon, each relaxing after a hard day at the office.

Next meeting will be at the Great Malvern Hotel at 7.15pm on Tuesday February 9. Guests are always welcome – haka experts especially!

COLIN JACKSON