Upturn in the quality of rubbish left on the roadsides

Eschewing any association with a certain supermarket with reported financial shenanigans at top level, the donors have changed to a brand more in line with the ‘boots on the ground’ phrase.

The red bull has given way to a soft drink low in sugar but stratospherically high in caffeine made in the Low Countries.

Cornish pasties are so ‘yesterday’ and the peppered steak slice in pastry is the ‘must-have’ nowadays.

Jam-filled doughnuts ward off anorexia. Mayfair is still the right address for a smoke (I was more of a Pall Mall man myself but was never alone in the Strand), and while the crisps are made for walkers they obviously can be eaten by motorists as well, with a nod to ageism by renaming them crinklies.

Scratch cards seem to be unchanged in their lack of good fortune, but the use of wet wipes to clean silicone gun nozzles might indicate employment in the building trade.

With another 8,956 houses coming in the area, we can look forward to more harbingers of fling in the months ahead.

More reports needed, please.

John Ling

Old Colwall